My Poetry Pieces in Written Word, hope you enjoy!
‘One Last Talk’
So many once upon a time’s
Looking for happily ever after’s
Stories aren’t for just putting kids to sleep
They’re for waking adults up
Outside appearances can hold so many lies
Inner longings don’t tell the truth
The tide will one day drop
Leaving us all standing naked
We pretend that our rooms are clean
Failures swept under the bed
Fears stuffed in the closet
Rest of our shit stacked in piles behind the door
Lowering your high expectations
Makes life so much easier to succeed
Simply seeing things in an opposite kind of way
Question your asks rather then ask your questions
100,000 times per day a heart beats to keep a soul alive
72 times per minute sending 1.3 gallons through 60,000 miles of veins
That’s 38 million beats pumping 700,000 gallons per year
By a 10oz pump that on its last beat wants yes answered to life’s final question
3am wake up calls by regrets, anxieties, fears and loneliness
Ghosts of depression we don’t want to believe we see
Dr. Mind diagnoses the heart as crazy
Straight jacket and solitary confinement its prescription
Anonymous feedback reviews by societies opposite twins
Those that love you more then reasonable
Or the ones spreading toxic filth onto the path you have chosen
As middle class performs a vanishing act
What are the average 7000 words I speak daily really trying to say?
That can’t be said more clearly in a thousand words or less
When my true voice only holds the rights to 600 of them
Trademarks of my life under copyright protection
3 full pop cans of blood feeds our brain each minute
Oxygen the nutrient to power our average 50,000 thoughts per day
A 15 pack of beer cans, blood light used to quench the thirst of the rest of us that feels
Supplying 20% for thoughts and 80% for feelings, a heart attack of truth
We sit in time machines constantly waiting to take off
Having checked 3 bags of luggage packed full with our past
Small carryon packed tightly with the essential dreams that we can’t afford to lose
Flight has been delayed again as we wait for a passenger named ‘Present Moment’
Present Moment with zero baggage is stuck in customs getting strip-searched
The body scan confirms suspicion without a shadow of a doubt
Head thinks, heart feels, soul lives and spirit flies.
Security breach, we are at our best when we don’t fit in
Tidy up your room and carry your dirty laundry out with a bag over your shoulder
The washboard of vulnerability is waiting to do its work
Let your soul be cleaned by the scrubbing of your wounds
Hands of others the clothespins on the line where our spirits left hung to dry
Open the drawers and take out your fresh-stacked dreams
Grab all the hope, joy, love and compassion hanging from all the hangers in your closet
Put them on and rip the door to your heart off its hinges
Open the window and speak your fresh air of truth
Speak the 600 authentic words you hold dear to your heart
One last talk to lift other souls from the dead
You step onto the stage wrapped in courage with a death look staring fear in the eye
A spotlight blinding your fear and shining light on the words that step out of your mouth
The power of your voice answering life’s final question
The question behind all of the questions is this
‘Did you become yourself’?
YES
and they all lived happily ever after.
– Kent Bonertz
‘I Disobey On This Day’
Darkness I feel wants to take me for a walk
Sitting quietly next to my master depression
I obey on this day!
The leash is attached to what feels like a noose around my neck
These are the days I feel most empty and lost
If only I could find that bone I buried deep down inside
I jump to my feet as my kids open the door
Forgetting the choke chain that feels like a nose
Running to them with joy like the smell of a treat
Stopped in my tracks a sudden blockage of breath
My master controls me with a forceful tug
I obey on this day!
As I walk to the park my heightened senses alert
I see others being held by the same leash
My instincts lead to a bark, and a bark, and a bark
I speak my voice that only we can decipher
Don’t forget about your hidden bone I bark without words
I want to be with them as we are all from the same litter
A blow to my side from my master’s foot
Throws me to the ground as I roll into the gutter
I obey on this day
I pick myself up dropping my head in despair
My tail stands still with nothing to gain
This walk with depression not easily tamed
I obey on this day
A familiar smell my nose happens to catch
The kids at the park left me a scent trail to find
Smile on their faces as they play in the park
I need to be with them to bury the dark
The pain I have been feeling has me tight in its grasp
I decide to distract as I lift my tail to shit
All the pressure inside me falls to the ground
As depression bends over to pick up my pain
My instincts kick in and I push with all fours
I disobey on this day
The sudden strangle around my neck as I hit the end of the line
Worth its weight in gold as the leash drops to the ground
For a moment in time and my free will to choose my path
I now feel free and run like the gate was finally left open
I disobey on this day and live like someone left the gate open
I reach my kids in the park panting with joy
Surprised that I didn’t reach the end of my line
For I have tried this escape many times only to end up on my head
Depression gets angry if joy my nose finds
I smell joy and the need to pursue goes deep like the bones I bury
Today joy is found in a park made for play
Kids are all smiles as I jump from the ground to place my paws on their chests
My senses are tingling as I feel their heartbeats in rhythm with mine
They fall to the ground as our hearts sing a song
The taste of sweet memories as I lick both their cheeks
Laughs and giggles as we roll on the ground
Carry this moment like a bone and bury it in my heart
I roll over and sit as they rise from the earth
Picking up my leash I feel their prize possession
Rise to my feet with tail wagging fast
Begin heading home with kids in toe
Me proudly in the lead with my new owners kipping behind
When Joy is our master we must cherish in time
Trail was once dark is now shining with light
Leash that once chocked me is now breathing new life
Reaching our home as its much more than a house
Walk over to the tree that stands strong on its roots
Lift my leg to pee on its trunk
Staking my territory to keep out the dark
Marking this joy I feel deep in my heart
Enter our home and get snuggled up on the couch
Blankets wrapping family in one dozing off to sleep
I awake from the nightmare that turns to a dream
From the following words tattooed into my ear
Dogs never judge me I am starting to find
When I mimic their actions it eases my mind
The fences and leashes that so often confine the thoughts
Have gates and weak points that open straight to the heart
Spinning around and chasing my tail
Or digging myself a new hole
Stuck in a spiral that goes one of two ways
Bury myself or bite off my tail
I come to my senses and stop in my tracks
Look up to see the world holding treats in its hands
Look down with a glance my senses alert from a sparkle of white
My bone shining bright is pure joy to my sight
– Kent Bonertz
‘Long Distance Love‘
One day we will have it all
This time apart tick, tick, tick will finally tock and be forgotten
I miss you more than I thought I ever could
Be home in a matter of days by the time you get this letter
It’s like I can feel your pain when we talk on the phone
Can’t turn my feelings off for you if I tried
Wouldn’t hurt this much being apart
If I didn’t love you so much with this heart
Can’t wait until I can reach for you every night
Curl my body into yours
You don’t even know all the things you do
When I close my eyes I can feel your arms around me
Hard to have everything for a short time
Then nothing for along time
So nice to hear your voice at the other end of the line
But so hard at the same time
I know this is only temporary
That we will have forever and more together
I love leaving a trail of kisses on your body
All I can breath is your life
My heart is missing the sound of yours
What if something goes wrong with it?
And I’m not there to hear it skip a beat
Wish I could make the hurt go away
This heart of mine belongs to you
For once this truth doesn’t scare me
Because I know you will take good care of it
Threesome we have with long distance has helped clarify my feelings
Don’t want to push you into commitment your not committed too
By clinging to you fueled from thinking how I never want to lose you
Never been so not in control of my feelings
Sometimes I worry that I’m not always the person you need
I learn a lot about you
The kind of person I want to be
Some people never find the kind of love we share
You’re all I could have dreamed of and more
Get scared sometimes about how intense my feelings are for you
When I feel insecure and don’t talk about it
I push you away so I won’t get hurt
But if you start doubting it will get unbearable
All I do is go to school, think about you
Come home from school and think about you
Eat and think about you
Go to bed and dream about you
I wish I never sent that last letter
Because it’s hard to take things back
Can’t get over this unless I know the whole story
You owe me at least that!
I’m just hurt, confused and scared of loosing you
Hate the fact that she can call you and I can’t
Wish I could see you for an hour
Curl up together and forget all about this
The hurt won’t go away
I’ve never felt so jealous in my whole life
Need to be home with you so all my insecurities melt away?
Can’t tell you to drop dead and go to hell
I want her to stay away
Disappear so everything will be like it was
But I know it can’t just vanish
I really dislike her and am feeling very protective
Don’t leave me alone cause I still really love you
Feeling so hopeless knowing I should be home
Our love is not easily replaced or forgotten
I guess I now know what its like to get hurt
But as hurt, shocked and upset I am
I’m grown up enough to deal with my problems
Not take the easy way out and shut off my feelings
We can’t push our relationship any further
No more hurting each other this bad
Normally I would be gone before I got hurt
But running away is no longer and option when I’m this much in love
We have both needed to grow up
Figure out what we want out of life
So that when we finally do get to be together
Things will fall into place
Our relationship has been pushed just far enough
That it will be stronger in the end
Please don’t worry about loosing me
I won’t stay away forever I promise
It’s funny to look back over the last few years
Wondering how it all managed to work out
How we just kept getting drawn back to each other
You are all I’ve ever dreamed about and more
I’m looking forward to a lifetime of love
Knowing each moment together is so precious
The distance we had has brought us closer
I hope our love lasts happily forever after.
– Kent Bonertz
‘YOU over Your Other Selves’
Milky way is shining bright in our midnight lives
A star meant for each individual soul to grasp
But everyone seems to be lactose intolerant these days
So they are afraid to hold their own unique true north star
Each soul at birth begins a life sentence
Unless you have an awareness of death
Life can truly never be lived
So receiving the gift of life means accepting the inevitability of death
In our dark rooms developing negatives of ourselves
Our elephants on the table are blocking the writing on the wall
So out of touch I can feel you
It’s not the world that needs saving it’s YOU
Our egos are addicted to selfies
Trading the possibility of a life of purpose and meaning
For our chance at the infamous 15 minutes of fame
Don’t forget the divine errand each soul agreed to undertake
Your greatest truth can never be spoken
If it is spoken then it’s rarely understood
As people simply hear only the truth they can grasp
If looking for certainty then you must get confused
What is the price we pay for the image were trying to portray?
Everybody seems to have a right but nobody has a responsibility
When we point our figure at someone else
Notice there are 3 pointing straight back at us!
Our judgments become a permanent ticker tape
Playing at the bottom of our own unique movie screen called life
Eyes the projectors writing the script we hope becomes a best seller
Blockbuster – biologically we are 98.3% the same as the chimpanzees
Our desire for attention outweighs most important truth
Truth is we all simply desire to be loved on our journey of becoming who we are meant to be
You can fail at what you don’t want
Just as easily as you can going for what you do want
Need for acceptance can make the true you invisible to the world
Social media has given everyone the opportunity to be noticed
Yet effect you have helping other beings is most valuable currency you have
Put that in your data bank and process it!
Coincidence that is more than coincidental
The accident that isn’t fully accidental
It’s in the confusion that we are sure to find certainty
Shortest way home is often the longest way around
White out the fears, anxieties, failures and negative emotions you hold of yourself
Change the working title of ‘I’ll never be enough’
Master the art of truly living by living truly
As the story we tell creates the life we live
We are beautifully designed Russian nesting dolls
Our inner soul child holding the one shooting star we each came to share
Inside all of our other selves
Is the mini-me named YOU waiting to truly be seen?
Risk being seen in all your glory
Step away from behind your own shadow
So the world can feel a glimpse of your brilliance
Think your escaping only to run into yourself
Its literally hidden in plain sight
Passion over Possession
Love over Lust
Friendship over Facebook
Touch over Twitter
Fiction over Fact
Connected over Linked In
Meaning over Money
Give over Get
You owe You one
You owe You one
– Kent Bonertz
DE – PRESS- I –ON
The pressure has gotten to be too much to hold
Big dark black secret of my life but this pain I feel is real
Truth is I’ve been telling everyone white lies
If I need to compare my life to others then I am sick
DE – PRESS – I – ON
Walking the never ending shoreline that’s taking me in circles
This island I’ve found myself ship wrecked on
Looking for a shiny washed up bottle that holds the meaning I seek
Isolated as I fear venturing out in my shark infested water
How do I cope with my responsibilities when I feel lost in myself?
Lost in my fog yet found in the moments that I feel alive
Where is the map to help me navigate the parts of me that hurt?
Don’t expect people to understand because on outside I try to appear just fine
Answer seems just a phone call away in this constant ringing head
But when I pick up the receiver I can’t hear a dial tone
Leaving me hoping for a cold call that finally rings true
Dial 911 and rescue my heart before it straight lines
My winter blues have created a whiteout that wasn’t in my forecast
Feeling snow blind so at moment can’t see my way through
It’s my stormy days that keep my true self all wrapped up inside me
Busses aren’t running today leaving me unable to reach out to my friends
DE – PRESS – I – ON
Please stop devaluing my own currency as I ride your bearish back
My markets closed so mind has decided to foreclose on my heart
Feeling bankrupt with no key to my safety deposit box
How has my life come to this crossroad?
All my believed X’s have marked the spot I now stand
Pick all them up as the cross I have created needs bearing
Trust that the pain I carry leads to the treasure I seek
This quick sand I’m in has bottomed out
Leaving my head just above the surface life I’m living
With my wife and kids to hold onto I feel safe here for a while
Has my rock just met bottom or will I sink deeper into my shit
I feel like my mind acting as warden holds me in my own prison
Solitary confinement I’m often sentenced to the infamous hole
This too familiar hole that is dark, cold, daunting and isolated
Luckily my heart continues to feed me in small amounts through the sliding trap door
Walking around feeling like a community notice pin up board
Can’t people see from reading me that I’m silently asking for help?
Messages pinned on the crowded tack board of my shadowed self
‘Lost – Have YOU seen ME’
‘Help Wanted – Apply Within’
‘Willing to Trade – YOU for ME’
‘Support Group – Looking for people who want to have real conversations’
Time is running out as my life is postdated
Like a fire that has lost its light to the embers
Receding into the hot coals that now make up the heat
If I walk on them will I get burnt again?
Just searching for the fresh air of truth to ignite my life again
I feel like a Persian rug that’s being used as a doormat
As depression rubs its filthy feet every time it visits covering me with pain
Please move me to that old quarter sawn oak floor where the sun shines bright
Admire each stich that makes up the beauty you see in me
My story lies with each intricate stich of me
Thousands of little stories in every square inch
Lie on me and feel my softness that has made me up
Let the sun shine and push the clouds from my truly blessed life
DE – PRESS – I – ON
You won’t break me rather make me stronger then I was
I can only rise to the heights I dream by going through the depth’s I have plunged
In order to reach my peaks I need to navigate the valleys I find myself in
I’m the stray cat that takes what you feed me in my coldest days
Stop trying to write the script for the pills that are supposed to help
Your prescriptions when compared to my description have so much in common
Just drop the PRE and add the DE
I have finally scrolled through this part of my life’s terms and conditions
Ticked the box that says I agree depression has affected me
Like an addiction that hides the truth that wants to be spoken
Finally pressing accept has helped in my journey to submit
Remember that opening up has allowed you to drop the DE and PRESS-I-ON
So PRESS – I – ON
– Kent Bonertz